OK, All the Single Ladies. (Or gents.) This one is for us.
In my last post, I gave you a complete guide to Hallmark Christmas Movies. And now we’re going to use that information to teach us how to fall in love before December 25th.
Let me set the record straight by saying exactly 0% of personal experience contributed to the writing of this post. I have not been in love (or dated anyone) over the holidays since high school (womp-womp) so I’m the last person that should be giving anyone advice. But in the immortal words of Jennifer Lopez from the classic film The Wedding Planner, “those who can’t do, teach.” So I’m teaching you How to Fall in Love by Christmas.
Let us begin:
Step 1: Decide Which Girl (or Guy) You Will Be
It’s SO important to lay some groundwork. Will you be the I Just Want to Fall in Love type? Or the I’m Focusing on My Career/Self/Project type? Don’t worry, the outcome is (spoiler alert) always the same. You could TRY to be both at the same time but I’m afraid it would unravel the entire system.
Step 2: The Meet-Cute
You’ve established Which Type you are, so now we’ve got to get you in the right place at the right time. This one is tricky but not to worry, there are plenty of options – you just have to know where to look. Here are some top picks:
- The Airport: Pace the terminals with your head down until you “accidentally” bump into someone you find attractive.
- A Coffee Shop: Find a comfy spot facing the counter and make somewhat awkward eye contact as they order a drink. Also, be eating a cupcake. (If you’re a guy, maybe not be eating a cupcake? Idk.)
- The Sidewalk: Find a patch of ice to slip on (safely) right as he passes by. Stumble conveniently into his arms. Or, if you’re a guy…hang out on icy sidewalks and wait for someone to slip.
- Christmas Tree Farm: For Her – Be ALL IN. Sniff the trees, hug the trees, then ask the cute guy in the flannel shirt for help loading your tree (or, bonus – “do you deliver?”). For Him – BE the guy in the flannel shirt. Offer your help, even if you don’t actually work at the Christmas tree farm. It sounds creepy, but we’re operating in the world of Hallmark, baby.
- Return to Your Hometown: Reconnect with either an old flame or someone who was always “just a pal”.
- Discover He/She-Was-Right-in-Front-of-Me-the-Whole-Time: This could be a co-worker, friend, neighbor, someone you share elevator rides with, bartender, plumber, etc. It just has to be someone already in your life that you never considered dating material.
- Go Online: Place a personal ad for a “date for the holidays” and do not expect to fall in love. For realz. (Also, please post responsibly.)
Step 3: Find Santa
If Hallmark has taught us anything it’s that Santa Claus is real and surprisingly NOT busy this time of year as he is often found roaming Small Town USA under a variety of disguises. Basically, you want to be on the lookout for older gentlemen with substantial midsections and bushy white beards.
He is often undercover as a school janitor, a lost traveler, or one of those bell ringers collecting money. Santa can help in a lot of ways. He can arrange the Meet-Cute if you’ve been unsuccessful on your own, give advice, grant wishes, and make it snow.
Step 4: Assess the Situation
Yes, you want to fall in love but you’re no fool. At the end of the day, you’re a strong, independent woman (or man, I don’t know if any guy has actually made it this far) and you need to be practical.
He makes your heart go pitter-patter, but is your heart ready? Is his heart ready? Do you want the same things out of life?
(Reminder: Even though you’re the puppeteer behind all this, you really need to commit to your role as “Girl Surprised by Love”.)
Step 5: Find Mistletoe
You can approach the “technically it’s a parasitic plant” in two ways.
- Stand beneath it awkwardly and not kiss
- Stand beneath it awkwardly and kiss.
This is an important moment in your relationship. (But don’t ask me why.)
Step 6: Find Your Ah-Ha Moment
OK, it’s nearly Christmas Eve, girlfriend. Time to lock this in. You need to manufacture some sort of misunderstanding and not speak with one another for approximately 3 hours to 3 days. During this time you can either put on a brave face and “soldier through” or collapse into a bucket of mint-chocolate-chip ice cream. No judgment either way.
But Jenny. it seems like I can just skip Step 6, right? I’m going to end up with him anyway.
Sorry, doesn’t work that way. You need this pivotal moment in the relationship. You need to Get Woke and realize how much you want him in your life. You’ll appreciate Step 7 more, I promise.
Step 7: Wrap it Up (Christmas pun not intended.)
Congratulations! You are at the final step of your journey. It’s been a real nail-biter, hasn’t it? Now it’s time make this official and declare your love – or accept his declaration of love – or mutually accept each other’s declarations of love. Who cares who says it first, you did it! You fell in love before Christmas.
And there you have it, folks: Seven easy steps that will guarantee you love before Christmas. Start the process now if you want some wiggle room. Or, if you’re feeling particularly wild and zany, wait until December 22nd and cram an entire relationship into 72 hours. Hallmark makes it look easy, so why not?
Best wishes, and let me know how it all turns out!